Thriving, Not Just Surviving: Why Our Children Deserve More From Education

By Kelly Hutton

Children thrive when their education is more than something they just need to get through

For many children, particularly neurodivergent children, education becomes something to get through rather than something that supports learning, confidence and well-being.

When we talk about children "coping", "managing", or "holding it together", we are often describing survival, which just doesn't sit right with me. Whilst survival may be necessary at times, research tells us, time and time again, that this should not be the long-term goal.

This isn't a radical idea. As far back as Maslow's original work in 1943, there was recognition that simply meeting basic needs is not enough for learning, growth or thriving. Safety and survival are essential foundations, but they are not the same as well-being, engagement or fulfilment.

Longitudinal and economic studies also consistently show that when children spend periods of heightened anxiety or emotional distress, the impact reaches far beyond the classroom, affecting mental health, relationships, educational outcomes, and long-term well-being (Pollard et al, 2023). Survival carries a cost, but it doesn't have to be this way.

Understanding Children as a Whole, Not Isolated Behaviours

Our neurodivergent children, in particular, do not experience learning, relationships or emotions in isolation. Sensory load, cognitive demands, social expectations, and emotional safety all interact continuously.

When these demands exceed a child's capacity, distress often appears as anxiety, withdrawal, avoidance, or behaviours are labelled as "challenging". Importantly, research on childhood anxiety highlights that these responses are often context-dependent, shaped by environmental pressures rather than internal deficits (Hill, 2025; Spend, 2017).

This aligns with broader educational research showing difficulties frequently emerging where there is a mismatch between a child's needs and envionment they are expected to function within, rather than the child themselves (Macintyrne, 2005).

Understanding the child explicitly, across their environments and over time, is one of the most powerful ways to move them out of survival mode.

Adults Have a Shared Responsibility, and Real Influence....

Children have no control or influence over their educational environments.

Parents, carers, educators, and systems collectively shape:

• routines and transitions

• sensory and social demands

• expectations around performance and behaviour

• how support is offered, reviewed and withdrawn

Research into child and adolescent mental health (a very hot topic of mine!) shows that adult responses, parenting approaches, and environmental expectations play a significant role in both the development and maintenance of anxiety over time (Johnco et al, 2021). This influence can be protective or compounding.

Importantly, this does not mean adults are to blame. It simply means the adults REALLY matter.

Inclusive education theory reinforces that exclusion is rarely intentional; it is often a result of systems and routines that were not designed with neurodivergent learners in mind (Nilhom & Goransson, 2017). When environments remain rigid, children are expected to adapt at significant emotional cost.

Thriving becomes possible when adults take shared responsibility for adjusting environments, not just managing children within them.

Advocacy is Not Confrontation, it is Protection

Many families I work with experience advocacy as exhausting, emotional or adversarial (far too much, do they find it the latter). But evidence-informed advocacy is not about confrontation; it is about clarity.

Clear communication about:

• a child's needs

• environmental barriers

• What supports regulation and access

reduces misunderstanding and helps systems respond more appropriately. Research into supporting children with anxiety emphasises that early, well-structured intervention, including environmental adaptation and consistent adult responses, significantly improves outcomes (Herrick, 2019).

Without this clarity, children are often left to absorb the consequences of systemic gaps themselves, repeatedly adapting, masking, or suppressing distress to get through the day. This is survival, coping, not support, so how will our children thrive without us?

From Surviving to Thriving

Thriving does not mean removing challenges. It means ensuring challenges exist within a framework of safety, predictability, and understanding.

The research across mental health and education sectors consistently points to the same conclusion: children thrive when environments adapt responsively, when adults understand patterns of need, and when support is planned and reviewed, rather than reactive. (Spend, 2017; Pollard et al., 2023; Nilholm & Goransson, 2017).

This is why thriving is not a single strategy; we have to work together, know the children and use this knowledge to build and adapt environments and systems that provide more than just survival.

Supporting You To Support Them.

This is the purpose of Education Empowers - Series 1: Introduction to Supporting Neurodivergent Learners, which is now available on the website, with the first module in the series being FREE.

The series aims to support parents and educators to

• understand neurdivergence beyond labels (and without labels)

• build meaningful learner profiles

• recognise patterns of need across different environments

• advocate clearly and ethically

• and create support that is sustainable over time

Not to fix children, but to create conditions where they no longer need to just survive. Our children deserve so much more than just coping; they deserve to thrive.

Get access to the first module in the Education Empowers - Series 1: Introduction to Supporting Neurodivergent Learners for FREE, by clicking the link below.

Module 1: Who is a Neurodivergent Learner?

References

• Hill, C. (n.d.). Anxiety disorders in children and adolescents.

• Spence, S. H. (2017). Assessing anxiety disorders in children and adolescents. Child and Adolescent Mental Health.

• Johnco, C. J., et al. (2021). The role of parenting behaviors in the bidirectional and intergenerational transmission of depression and anxiety. Depression and Anxiety.

• Herrick, E. (2019). Supporting children and young people with anxiety.

• Pollard, E., et al. (2023). The multifaceted consequences and economic costs of child anxiety problems. JCPP Advances.

• MacIntyre, C. (2005). Identifying additional learning needs.

• Nilholm, C., & Göransson, K. (2017). Understanding inclusive education: A theoretical contribution from systems theory and constructionist perspectives.