Why I Support Families When School Doesn't Fit and What My Research Has Taught Me

By Kelly Hutton

My research has taught me many things, but what it really highlighted was just how individual we are, and yet we all face similar struggles.

Over the past 3 years, alongside my work, I have been completing my MSc in Psychology. I have recently finished this chapter, which concluded with my research project exploring school disruption, stress, and coping in adolescents, from a parent's perspective.

Reaching the end of this work has given me time to reflect, not just on the research itself, but on why this work matters so deeply to families, and how it continues to shape the ways I can offer support.

This blog is not a summary of my dissertation, but a reflection on what listening carefully to parents has confirmed about school disruption, family stress, and the kind of support that genuinely helps when systems don't quite fit a child.

What does school disruption actually feel like for families, beyond attendance and behaviour?

Much of the public conversation about school disruption centres on attendance figures, academic progress, or behaviour. Research tells us that disruption is closely associated with declines in attainment and increases in anxiety and low mood (Viner et al, 2021; Badger et al, 2024; Mazrekaj & De Witte, 2024).

What these statistics don't capture, though, is what the disruption feels like inside families.

In my research project, I explored this through interviews with seven different families, and they described school disruption in a variety of ways, such as a sudden loss of safety, predictability and belonging. Adolescents who had previously felt secure in school environments which suddenly changed or were removed became withdrawn, anxious or emotionally flat. Some masked their distress only for it to be released through meltdowns, physical symptoms or exhaustion.

This reflects what development psychology has long told us: safety and belonging are foundational needs (Maslow, 1954; Osterman, 2000). When these are disrupted, young people struggle to engage in higher-order learning, motivation, and identity development are all impacted (Perry, 2008; Erikson, 1959).

Parents described to me how stress was often embodied, showing up as sleep disturbance, stomach pain, tics or panic responses. These experiences align with evidence that educational disruption heightens emotional and somatic distress, particularly during mid-adolescence when young people are already navigating significant developmental change (Pascoe et al, 2020; Helsper et al, 2025).

School disruption, then, is rarely "just about school". It reverberates through identity, relationships, well-being and family life.

What did my research tell me about how parents cope when systems don't fit their child?

One of the strongest findings from my research was just how much hidden labour parents carry during periods of school disruption.

Adolescents relied heavily on emotion-focused coping strategies such as masking, suppression, or resignation, patterns well documented in the stress and coping literature (Lazarus & Folkman, 2017; Skinner &Saxton, 2019). While these strategies helped young people get through the day, they came at a cost, often releasing in private spaces.

Alongside this, parents were engaged in constant co-regulation: managing emotions, maintaining routines, advocating for accommodations, and creating small moments of relief or joy to help their child cope. This reflects family systems theory, which highlights for us how stress is distributed across family members rather than held by individuals alone (Bowen, 1978; Brofenbrenner, 1979).

Importantly, parents were often doing this work in the context of systems that felt rushed, inconsistent, or poorly attuned to their child's needs. Where schools prioritised academic catch-up without relational or emotional support, families carried a greater burden. Where trusted teachers, peer continuity, or clear structures were retained, stress was noticeably reduced, echoing research on the importance of the protective role of relational school climates (Katsantonis, 2025; Garrote et al, 2021).

What stood out most was that parents were not lacking in resilience or commitment. They were responding thoughtfully to complex systems, often without adequate support or space to think.

How does this understanding shape the way I support families now?

When I had completed the research and received a distinction for it, what mattered to me was how affirming it was, because it is something I have long believed through practice: parents carry the burden, and they need calm, respectful, non-judgemental support when systems don't fit their children. This research confirmed what over twenty years of working with families has already shown me, and gave me a shared, tangible language for understanding and explaining those experiences.

My work is shaped by this understanding that:

• Stress and coping are relational, not individual failures

• Identity and well-being are deeply affected by institutional stability and belonging. It cannot be stressed enough how important support is during these instabilities.

• Families often carry the emotional consequences of systematic shortcomings, and this needs to be recognised.

This is why I support parents by offering space to reflect, to make sense of what is happening, and to think clearly about what the next steps are. No rushing to solutions or imposing rigid frameworks.

I work with parents who feel the systems don't fit their child, and who want guidance that respects their family values, lived reality, and emotional load. The aim is not to "fix" families, but to reduce uncertainty, bring clarity, strengthen regulation and help parents feel steadier as they navigate complex decisions.

My reflection

For parents navigating an uncertain world with a child experiencing school disruption, feeling out of step with the usual routes, holding worry that goes unseen, or questioning whether they are doing the right thing or not, is more usual than not.

This research has really reinforced for me that meaningful support begins with listening, understanding context, and prioritising well-being before performance. When families are given space, clarity, and relational support, coping becomes shared rather than shouldered alone.

That belief sits at the heart of what I do and continues to guide how I support families moving forward. Click the link below to see all the different ways I can support.

Click here for support

References

Badger, J. R., et al. (2024). Effects of educational disruption and changes in school context on children's mental health. British Educational Research Journal. https://doi.org/10.1002/berj.4231

Bowen, M. (1978). Family therapy in clinical practice. Jason Aronson.

Bronfenbrenner, U. (1979). The ecology of human development. Harvard University Press.

Erikson, E. H. (1959). Identity and the life cycle. International Universities Press.

Garrote, A., Pellerone, M., & Cascio, M. I. (2021). Teacher expectations and parental stress. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 712447.

Helsper, A., et al. (2025). Under pressure: Gifted adolescents’ vulnerabilities. Behavioral Sciences, 15(2), 235.

Jaume, D., & Willén, A. (2018). Oh mother: The neglected impact of school disruptions. Journal of Human Resources, 53(4), 895–928.

Katsantonis, I. (2025). I belong; hence, I engage? The Australian Educational Researcher, 52(1), 1–22.

Klimstra, T. A., et al. (2012). Early adolescent identity formation. Child Development, 83(4), 1514–1528.

Lazarus, R., & Folkman, S. (2017). Stress, appraisal, and coping. Springer.

Maslow, A. H. (1954). Motivation and personality. Harper & Row.

Mazrekaj, D., & De Witte, K. (2024). The impact of school closures on learning and mental health. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 19(4), 686–693.

Osterman, K. F. (2000). Adolescents’ need for belonging. Review of Educational Research, 70(3), 323–367.

Pascoe, M. C., et al. (2020). The impact of stress on adolescents. International Journal of Adolescence and Youth, 25(1), 104–112.

Perry, B. D. (2008). Childhood experience and regulation. Brain and Mind, 9(1), 79–100.

Skinner, E. A., & Saxton, E. A. (2019). Academic coping development. Developmental Review, 53, 100870.

Viner, R., et al. (2021). Impacts of school closures. MedRxiv.