Finding The Right Words: Talking With Children About Difficult Topics

By Kelly Hutton

One of the hardest things about being a parent is knowing how to support our children when the world feels uncertain..

As parents, one of the most difficult parts of the role is knowing how to support our children when the world feels uncertain. Whether it's explaining the prognosis of a serious illness in the family or talking about troubling events in the world, these conversations are never easy. Yet, handled with care, they can deepen trust, build resilience, and help children to feel safe and understood.

Talking with, not at, children.

Research highlights that difficult conversations are most effective when they are in a dialogue; we talk with our children, not at them. Staller (2014) emphasises that this approach acknowledges the child's perspective and emotions, rather than presenting information in a one-sided manner. This echoes the practices by doctors trained in delivering serious news; they listen carefully, allow space for questions, and respond with empathy.

Studies in Paediatric oncology show that children who are given age-appropriate, honest information early on are less anxious and more able to cope with their illness. Similarly, parents of children with cancer often say their biggest need is support in "finding the right words". Doctors are trained to use structured approaches such as the SPIKES protocol, which emphasises setting, empathy, sharing information clearly, and checking understanding. You can adapt these same simple principles:

• Set the scene - choose a calm, private time

• Listen first - ask what your child knows or has heard

• Be honest but gentle - keep explanations simple and age-appropriate

• Validate emotions - let them know it's okay to feel worried, sad, or confused

• Reassure safety and support - emphasise what is being done to help

Navigating conversations about world events

Exposure to the news can enrich children's critical thinking, but it also heightens anxiety if not mediated carefully. Harding (2003) found that children's curiosity about world events can be a powerful learning tool, but they need guidance to process what they see and hear. You can help navigate this by:

• Encouraging children to share what they hear.

• Correct misinformation without overwhelming detail.

• Framing events within values of compassion, justice and safety.

Difficult topics and social justice

Sometimes the hardest conversations involve issues of injustice, whether this be racism, war or climate change. Balzer et al. (2023) describe this as a "pedagogy of discomfort" where engaging with painful realities opens space for empathy and transformation. Copenhaver-Johnson (2006) similarly notes that avoiding conversations about race, for example, can unintentionally reinforce silence and bias, whereas inviting dialogue empowers children to ask questions and develop understanding.

You are not alone

Difficult conversations can feel overwhelming, but you do not have to face them alone. At Nurtured Together, I provide:

• A supportive community group where parents can share ideas and experiences.

• 1:1 support sessions to help children struggling with anxiety or uncertainty.

By leaning into these resources, you can feel confident that you are not only finding the right words but also building resilience and connection in your family.

Click here for more information

References

Balzer, G., Strong-Wilson, T., & Burke, A. (Eds.). (2023). Teaching social justice using postcolonial texts: Encountering pedagogies of discomfort in practice. Springer Nature. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-34831-0 

Copenhaver-Johnson, J. (2006). Talking to children about race: The importance of inviting difficult conversations. Childhood Education, 83(1), 12–22. https://doi.org/10.1080/00094056.2006.10522869 

Harding, J. (2023). Children’s understanding of the wider world through news items: Can exposure to the news enrich learning through the role of critical thinking and curiosity at Key Stage 2? Media Education Research Journal, 52, 52–54.

Hrdlickova, L., Polakova, K., & Loucka, M. (2021). Important aspects influencing delivery of serious news in pediatric oncology: A scoping review. Children, 8 (2), 166. https://doi.org/10.3390/children8020166 

Kenny, M. (n.d.). ‘It can be difficult to find the right words’: Parents’ needs when breaking news and communicating to children with cancer and their siblings. [PDF]

Staller, K. M. (2014). Difficult conversations: Talking with rather than talking at. Qualitative Social Work, 13(2), 167–175. https://doi.org/10.1177/1473325014521335