Anxiety and Identity: Building Identity, Safety, and Resilient Coping

By Kelly Hutton

Anxiety and Identity

Anxiety is a universal human experience. Most of us will feel it, before a job interview, while waiting for exam results, or when our child is unwell, that familiar feeling in the chest, and quickening of thoughts that prepare us to respond. In these everyday moments, anxiety can be useful. It becomes more severe when it no longer rises and falls with the situation, but lingers, intensifies, or begins to shape how we see ourselves and the world.

Our ability to tolerate and recover from anxiety is closely linked to resilience, the internal and relational resources that help us feel safe, capable, and able to cope when uncertainty arises. So, anxiety in children and adolescents certainly isn't rare, nor is it trivial. When they haven't had the opportunities or experiences to build up that resilience, we need to be there to help them cope, especially if we want to avoid it shaping how they see themselves and the world.

It is one of the most common mental health difficulties in young people, often beginning early and can interfere significantly with school, relationships, and family life (Hill et al,. 2016; Spence, 2018). When left unaddressed, anxiety will persist and increase the risk of later depression, possible substance misuse, or broader psychosocial impairments (Hill et al, 2016; Pollard et al, 2023).

But anxiety doesn't develop in isolation and is deeply interwined with how a young person experiences themselves, their identity, sense of coherence and perceived place in the world, so what do we do to support them?

Anxiety and the Developing Self

Adolescence really is a critical period for identity development. During these years, young people are working out who they are, what they believe and where they fit in the world (Crocetti et al, 2009; Lillevoll et al, 2013). This involves exploring different ideas and gradually committing to values, goals, and roles. When this process feels uncertain, unstable, or fragmented, anxiety often increases.

Research which combined a variety of studies demonstrated that whilst young people are still actively exploring who they are, but haven't formed a clear sense of identity, they tend to report higher anxiety, which is in contrast to those who commit early without much exploration often report lower anxiety, although this may sometimes hide uncertainty (Lillevoll et al, 2013).

In other words, anxiety and identity instability move together.

Self-Identity as a Protective or Risk Factor

More recent research has looked at how a young person's identity, their sense of who they are, what they value and where they feel they belong, connects with anxiety. When someone has a clearer and more stable sense of self, it can protect against anxiety. When they feel confused, unsure, or fragmented in how they see themselves, anxiety is more likely to increase (Huang et al, 2025).

Studies also show that anxiety is closely linked to how well someone can tolerate uncertainty, in other words, how comfortable they feel not knowing what will happen next (Huang et al, 2025). A stable sense of self helps to create a psychological steadiness and reduces the feeling that everything is unpredictable. When our sense of self feels shaky or unclear, the world can feel so much more uncertain or threatening.

In social anxiety, especially, how a person sees themselves becomes central. Negative beliefs about the self, constant self-monitoring, and fears about how others judge them all help maintain the anxiety (Gilboa-Schechtman et al, 2020). When identity becomes tied to social status, comparison, or fear or embarrassment, anxiety often intensifies.

Anxiety, then, is not just about fear of events. It is often about whether we feel secure in who we are.

Real World Consequences

Childhood anxiety can carry significant long-term consequences across a range of domains, with studies documenting associations between behavioural difficulties, poorer educational outcomes, employment challenges, and substantial socioeconomic costs (Pollard et al, 2023).

Anxiety is not confined to internal discomfort; it can really affect functioning. It can affect learning, peer relationships, and family stability (Hell et al, 2016; Spence, 2018). It may also occur with depression and other internalised difficulties, complicating both assessment and interventions (Spend, 2018).

When identity becomes so entangled with anxiety ("I am the anxious one," "I am incapable," "I don't belong"), well, the developmental impact can deepen.

So, How Do We Support Them?

So, here is the important bit... Identity safety refers to the experience of being secure in who you are, not because you are flawless, but because your sense of self is coherent, valued and accepted.

Usefully, the research also suggests several ways in which we achieve this:

1. Strengthen Coherent Self-Narratives

   Encourage your young person to reflect on their strengths, values and continuity across time, which supports their commitment to developing them and reduces fragmentation or doubt (Crocetti et al, 2009). Identity coherence reduces vulnerability to uncertainty-driven anxiety (Huang et al, 2025).

2. Reduce Social Rank Fixation

   In social anxiety in particular, interventions benefit from shifting the focus from performance and perceived status toward affiliation and belonging (Gilboa-Schechtman et al, 2020). When their identity is built around connection rather than comparison, anxiety reduces

3. Support Tolerance of Uncertainty

   Helping children to gradually tolerate uncertainty, and not avoiding it, directly targets the central mechanism of anxiety (Huang et al, 2025). This builds resilience rather than temporary reassurance.

4. Developmentally Sensitive Assessment

   Effective support does require multi-informant, developmentally appropiate assessment of anxiety (Spend, 2018). Anxiety often presents differently across ages and contexts; careful identification improves outcomes (Hill et al, 2016). In otherwords, get help if it is severe, understand what your child needs if they are struggling and get the support you need to help them manage it.

Resilience Is Not the Absence of Anxiety

Resilience does not mean eliminating anxiety. Anxiety is, at times, adaptive. It becomes problematic when it is persistent, disproportionate, and impairing (Hill et al, 2016).

Resilience emerges when young people:

• Have a coherent, evolving sense of identity

• Can tolerate uncertainty

• Experience belonging

• Develop adaptive emotional regulation strategies

Helping a child learn emotional regulation skills on its own may not reduce anxiety if deeper issues around how they see themselves are also not supported (Huang et al, 2025). This means that support needs to look at the whole picture, not just teach coping strategies, but also build a stronger, more secure sense of self and understanding of who they are as a person.

Final Thoughts

If anxiety is about feeling a threat, then identity is about that feeling of belonging.

Supporting our children and adolescents means attending not only to symptoms, but also to their development as a person. When we strengthen identity coherence, we reduce uncertainty intolerance and foster safe relational contexts, which is so much more than just teaching coping skills; it builds the foundations for long-term psychological resilience.

If you are looking for more support with your child and their anxiety, take a look at the wealth of information available on the website or contact me for more information about my 1:1 sessions.

Find out more here

References

Crocetti, E., Klimstra, T., Keijsers, L., Hale, W. W., & Meeus, W. (2009). Anxiety trajectories and identity development in adolescence: A five-wave longitudinal study. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 38, 839–849. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-008-9302-y

Gilboa-Schechtman, E., Keshet, H., Peschard, V., & Azoulay, R. (2020). Self and identity in social anxiety disorder. Journal of Personality, 88, 106–121. https://doi.org/10.1111/jopy.12455

Hill, C., Waite, P., & Creswell, C. (2016). Anxiety disorders in children and adolescents. Paediatrics and Child Health, 26(12), 548–553. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paed.2016.08.007 

Huang, R., Shen, H., Yuan, Y., Jiang, K., & Wang, Z. (2025). Exploring the interplay between self-identity, affective style, emotion regulation, and anxiety: Based on Bayesian network model. Brain and Behavior, 15, e70290. https://doi.org/10.1002/brb3.70290 

Lillevoll, K. R., Kroger, J., & Martinussen, M. (2013). Identity status and anxiety: A meta-analysis. Identity, 13(3), 214–227. https://doi.org/10.1080/15283488.2013.799432 

Pollard, J., Reardon, T., Williams, C., Creswell, C., Ford, T., Gray, A., Roberts, N., Stallard, P., Ukoumunne, O. C., & Violato, M. (2023). The multifaceted consequences and economic costs of child anxiety problems: A systematic review and meta-analysis. JCPP Advances, 3, e12149. https://doi.org/10.1002/jcv2.12149 

Spence, S. H. (2018). Assessing anxiety disorders in children and adolescents. Child and Adolescent Mental Health, 23(3), 266–282. https://doi.org/10.1111/camh.12251