Finding Your Family Rhythm: Why Routines Matter for Learning, Development, and Connection

Eating as a family each day is one aspect of a good family routine

As parents, we often hear about the importance of routines. But what does creating a rhythm at home really mean and why does it matter so much for our children's development and family life?

Recent research shows that the rhythms and routines we create in our homes are far more than just practical tools for getting through the day. The are powerful contexts for children's learning, development and sense of belonging.

Rhythm Isn't Rigidity, It's Flexible and Personal

One of the beautiful truths from the research is that family routines are deeply personal. Spagnola & Fiese (2007) describe how families construct routines that fit their own cultural values, goals and everyday realities. Your family rhythm doesn't need to look like anyone else's and that's a good thing!

For some families it might look like:

• mealtime and bedtime stories

• Saturday pancake rituals, morning music sessions or an evening walk

• It might shift from week to week, balancing work patterns, activities and children's changing needs

Selman and Dilworth-Bart's review (2023) confirms this flexibility: routines help when life is unpredictable, because they bring pockets of predictability and connection into each day.

Support Child Development

So why does rhythm/routine matter so much for children?

Cultural and self-identity

Rituals and routines shape a child's understanding of who they are and where they belong. Even simple repeated activities, such as family meals, bedtime stories or holiday traditions, become part of a child's personal and cultural identity. They help children to feel anchored and give them a sense of history and family values.

Understanding rules and expectations

Regular routines teach children how life works and they learn about:

• Taking turns in conversations during meals

• Bedtime expectations

• Getting ready to go out

• Helping with small chores

This helps children to develop the ability to follow rules and routines in other environments. Hosokawa et al. (2023) show that children in families with more stable routines demonstrate better behaviour, regulation, fewer behavioural issues and more prosocial skills.

Cognitive and Language Development

Routines are filled with natural learning opportunities, for instance:

• Dinnertime conversations boost vocabulary and storytelling skills

• Shared book-reading routines enhance literacy, comprehension and enjoyment of reading.

Children thrive in environments where language and learning happen in meaningful contexts, embedded in daily life.

Emotional Security and Resilience

Daily rhythms provide emotional safety. Predictability helps children feel secure and reduces anxiety, especially during stressful time. Research indicates that routines act a protective factors even in high risk settings, shielding children from the negative impacts of stress.

Routines Build Family Connection

Routines are also about relationships. Hosokawa's (2023) study highlights that routines enhance family cohesion and expressiveness whilst reducing conflict. For children, this means feeling valued, heard and supported, all crucial foundations for healthy emotional development.

These moments, whether it is reading together, sharing a meal or a bedtime chat, they strengthen the bonds between parents and their children and as we discussed in our Parent Workshop on Connection it is not about the "perfect" routine, it is about creating shared moments of connection, warmth and presence.

Join us on July 23rd!

Curious about how to create or strengthen your family's rhythm? Join our upcoming Parent Workshop on Creating a Rhythm where we will:

• Dive deeper into the science of routines and rituals

• Explore practical strategies for building a rhythm that suits your family

• Discuss how routines foster connection and child development

• Share ideas with other parents

Spaces are limited, so put the date in your diary and let us know if you are coming!

Join us on Wednesday 23rd July

References:

Fiese, B. H., Eckert, T., & Spagnola, M. (2005). Family stories and routines: Methods of assessment. Infants and Young Children, 18(2), 93–103.

Hosokawa, R., Tomozawa, R., & Katsura, T. (2023). Associations between family routines, family relationships, and children’s behavior. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 32, 3988–3998. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-023-02687-w:contentReference[oaicite:0]{index=0}

Selman, S. B., & Dilworth-Bart, J. E. (2023). Routines and child development: A systematic review. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 16(2), 272–328. https://doi.org/10.1111/jftr.12549:contentReference[oaicite:1]{index=1}

Spagnola, M., & Fiese, B. H. (2007). Family routines and rituals: A context for development in the lives of young children. Infants & Young Children, 20(4), 284–299.